And here we are. March 2nd. No app.
But hear me out. It's not that I haven't tried. I've tried multiple times. This time further than I've ever been before. I've done it all:
- Gone through an entire course on Udemy
- Started designs
- Gone through documentation and tutorials on how to use Sketch
- Gone through documentation and tutorials on how to use Figma
- Finalized designs
- Redid designs
- Finally gave up and decided to start coding
- Got 1 day into it and decided what I learned on Udemy was B.S. and I don't know anything yet
- Started researching books
- Going through an iOS book and tutorials
- Listened to an entire book on why I suck
And here we are. March 2nd. A bunch of apps started but none that actually matters. It's also been 6 days since I've made any more commits. What am I doing wrong?
Well, first of all I have a lot on my plate right now and I have a lot of excuses, some of the excuses are legit.
- I spent all of last weekend preparing taxes for my restaurant.
- I spent Monday and Tuesday night preparing taxes as well.
- Wednesday night I took a mental break and slept early.
- Thursday my body just stopped being functional and died on me.
- Friday night I spent setting up my website again and writing.
I could go on and on about why I procrastinate on stuff like this. As much as I used to hate coding at the end of college, I actually find joy in it now. The thing that stops me from moving forward is still my fear of failure. Failing what I'm not sure, it's not like my life depends on it and it's not like it'll affect anything. I think it's just the irrational fear of not being capable. I guess the logic is if I never do it, I'll never prove that I can't do it, because I never even did it. But then that literally makes no sense. I can't get better at it if I don't do it and if I don't get better at it, of course I'll never be able to do it. Gosh. My brain can be such a dummy sometimes.
But here it is! Holding myself accountable. It doesn't matter what I code but this graph needs to look greener.
Cause if you think about it, we're all going to die and nothing really matters so what's preventing me from just doing whatever I feel like?